In Mort Veratis
Death and loss have loomed large in my life this last year. Along with the losses has come a clearer understanding of the sweetness of life as well as a better awareness of my own past failings.
First my fiances father died and our lives were turned upside down, hers especially; lack of closure and moving back to help her mother, to a house full of ghosts added pain to her dislocation.
Then a few days ago i finally got off my ass and took the partial contact data i had for an old friend/ex-gf that i had had a falling out with though i never stopped thinking of her as family; i wanted her to officiate at my wedding since the day we met.
I put her name Dena Joy Gelman, into the googles and up popped an obituary.
It seems that she died on Mar 9 from colon cancer. Now virginia, you did not know her, Dena was one of the most alive, sparkling creatures it has been my priviledge to know, let alone be loved by; the love in her eyes taught me to begin loving myself after a long, dark time.
In reassesing our history I had a veil removed from my eyes, and i saw clearly the selfish arrogance with with i broke off the relationship. Well, no good deed, obadgoes unpunished. Currently in a relationship that has amazing parallels… only now I am in her role and seem destined to fail to hold a love even more dear to me than hers was.
Well, if it wasn’t about Love, it wouldn’t hurt this much.