Forget Honor Killing and Wife Beating the Real Problem for a Muslimah is Not Giggling

radical

Some days it is just too easy.  I only believe in hanging people with the ropes they have made willingly themselves, from trees they have planted and nurtured with care. This happens a lot more often than you might think, but, it is not often that I get to watch someone hang themselves, and have it be funny as well!

Today on MuslimMatters.org I saw a headline that grabbed my attention immediately. No, it was not about an honor killing, nor was it about wife beating or raging mobs being needed to assuage the honor of a teddy bear; this time it was about beards.

Yes, Virginia, I said beards.  It seems that not all Muslim women go for a tangle of food-encrusted weeds on the face of their lover; you just can’t figure women’s taste I guess. 

The author of the following poem… well, I will just let him explain for himself; I certainly could not twist him a finer rope:

Beauty in the Beard

by Tushar Imdad-ul-Haque Bhuiya (12th March 2001)

I came to eat dinner in my halls of residence one day last year when two sisters started laughing at me; I had some food stuck in my beard. They went on to innocently and honestly mock my beard saying it was messy, unnatural and unhygienic. Little did they know the rage that I felt as a result of this and I channeled this rage by unleashing my
anger through my pen and out came this poem.

Well, I am glad he channeled his rage; I do question his being so thin skinned that "rage" is what he considers a proper response; the burdens of devoutness are many,  guess hair-trigger rage is just the price you pay.

I performed this poem in the Leicester University/DMU Islamic Societies and Eid Celebration and it was received with much laughter and acclaim – Alhamdulillah. Due to popular demand and many requests I have decided to type my poem up and email it to my friends in Islam.

From the men, the women, both?

Glorified be He who beautifies women with long locks of hair
And Men with long beards
There is beauty in the beard
Aye, there is beauty in the beard!

When the lion roars all the animals submit
For the lion is the king of the jungle
The lion with its glorious mane
And a Muslim man grows his mane in pride
Showing the rest of humanity that he is to be respected
Can one imagine a lion without its mane?
Nay, thou canst not!
Then imagine a man without his beard

Frankly I find the idea of a man who needs a "mane" to feel "manly" or have "pride" as sad and silly as a woman who needs to hide behind seventeen different cosmetics to feel "female"!

Woe to worldly women who mock the beards so!
Desiring husbands with clean shaven faces
Woe to women who mock the Prophet’s Sunnah
In the name of hygiene, neatness and smooth texture
Indeed the women of this world cannot like the beard
But she who wants Paradise adores the beard!

I could not write better satire of the fundamentalist Muslim mind if I wanted!  Allah forbid that hygiene be significant; oh, right, He already has.

A beard is a gift given to man
Something only he can grow; a woman never can!

Women do not grow facial hair? Not entirely true. Clinging to this as a sign of your manliness? Entirely sad.

When he ponders, he gently strokes it;

Don’t the psychologists have things to say about people who constantly stroke/touch their face for comfort/reassurance?

When he eats, it stores food;
When he is with kids, they play with it adoringly;
When he is with his wife, she fondles it lovingly;
When the enemy see it, fear is struck in their hearts!
Ah! there is indeed beauty in the beard!

Sarcasm overload; I have nothing to add!

All the Prophets had beards – yes they did!
Muhammad had a beard – so big! so big!
All the companions had beards – o yes! o yes!
All the sages had beards – I know! I know!
All the wise have beards – tis true! tis true!
All the pious have beards – you see! you see!
All the Muslims have beards?! – if only! if only!

My public giggling safeties tripped out three stanzas ago! Now, excuse me for a moment, I have to explain to the household the source of my semi-hysterics…

Who did not have beards? The kafirun!
Who had clean shaven faces? The kafirun!
Who grew their moustaches? The kafirun!
“And what did our Prophet order?” I hear you ask
He ordered us to lengthen the beard and trim the moustache!
Lengthen the beard and trim the moustache!

The source of a beard’s "holiness" is merely that it is "not what the Kafirun" (us, that is) do? OOOOkay, fine! Moving on…

What greater reason that this can there be
The fact that our Prophet told us to see
That we make ourselves appear to the world
As full bearded men with honour untold

Muslims Gone Wild

O Muslim brother! Why do you desire to look like a woman
When your blessed facial hair is the difference between you and the opposite gender?

Try telling that to a Japanese martial artist, then run…

O poor Muslim brother! Why do you imitate the kafir
Instead of following the Prophet of Islam?

What were the words again; "hygiene, neatness and smooth texture"?

O silly Muslim sister! Why are you so blind?
Infatuated with Bollywood actors who have no mind!

Umm, my guess is they find them attractive

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Go figure!

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O wretched sister! Are you not scared of your choice?
You would rather have a feminine monkey instead of an exalted manly ape!

Given the Qur’an’s words about Jews I will bet that this line produced some double takes in the audience!

So indeed I love my beard
And adore the curls and tangles
Which no oil, gel or superglue can ever straighten
My glorious long, curly, messy, fluffy beard!
The playhouse for kids;
And the beloved of Allah!

Beloved of Allah because it is not like the Kafirun!

I may be rejected by worldly women because of this hair on my face
But who cares! For my Mum loves it and she puts all such sisters to disgrace!

Kinky!

Be patient Muslim brothers, who shun the trendy look for a Prophetic pose
Paradise with the wide eyed Houris is our final abode!!!!!

The final joke: With no "kafirun" in paradise I expect the Houris will demand that the scruffy shave upon arrival!

Muslims Against Sharia Statement for Flight 93 Memorial Protest Rally – Repost

MASH Statement for Flight 93 Memorial Protest Rally – Repost

My fellow anti-Islamofascists!

Unfortunately, for security reasons, we are unable to make public appearances. That’s why I asked my friend Alec Rawls to read my statement on behalf of Muslims Against Sharia.

Islamic fundamentalists have been waging a terror campaign for half a century. At first, it has largely gone unnoticed. Marine Barracks, PanAm 103, First WTC Bombing, Khobar Towers, African Embassies, USS Cole were nothing more than distant incidents for most Americans. On September 11, 2001 it hit home. If most of Americans of the last generation remember where they were when Kennedy was shot, we all remember where we were when the second plane hit. And we knew: we are at war. We can call it the War on Terror, the War for the Free World, the War with Islamic Fascism, it doesn’t really matter. We all know who the enemy is. It’s Islamic radicals who are guided by the ideology of Islamic supremacy. Just as Nazis were guided by the ideology of Aryan supremacy. The only difference is that Gihadis consider it their religious duty to impose Islam all over the world and many of them yearn to die (and kill) for Allah. They use lines from the Koran such as “kill them [infidels] wherever you find them” or “slay the idolaters wherever you find them” as their guiding principles. I won’t get into lengthy theological explanation whether or not those lines are taken out of context or whether or not they only apply to specific historical events; it doesn’t matter. What matters is that Islamic fundamentalist believe that killing or subjugating infidels is their religious duty and they act accordingly. Some of you may be surprised why a Muslim would be speaking so harshly about his coreligionists. May I remind you, that Islamic radicals murder more Muslims than Christians, Jews, Hindus and everybody else combined. Gihadis may hate you for being infidels. But they really hate us for not following their demented dogma. And our attempts to reform Islam do not earn us much love either.

I would like to address the issue of Islamic symbolism in the proposed design. The shape of the “broken circle” resembles a crescent moon. So does the shape of the tower. Crescent moon is the most recognizable Islamic symbol. When we pray, we face Mecca and Mosques are traditionally built to face Mecca. The case could be made that the proposed design is aligned in North-Easterly direction, which corresponds with Qiblah, a direction to Mecca. Conventional wisdom would dictate that since Mecca is located to the South-East of Somerset, Qiblah cannot possibly have a North-Easterly direction. This assumption would be correct if you’re using a flat map. However, if you take a globe, place pins on locations of Somerset and Mecca, and connect those pins with a string, you’ll see that string at the base of Somerset pin points North-East. This symbolism may not be noticeable to a non-Muslim, and it is also possible, but likely improbable that the designer is ignorant of its significance. The proposed design would be perfect for EgyptAir 990 memorial. But for United 93 memorial, it is simply unacceptable.

On September 11, 2001 Americans came together. Conservatives and Liberals, Democrats and Republicans, Left and Right. We came together… For about two weeks. Then most of us fell back into complacency and political correctness. The very fact that Islamic symbolism is considered to be included in the memorial to the victims of Islamic terrorism proves it better than anything else.

In 2001 Islamofascist terrorists hijacked Flight 93 murdering 40 people on board. There were no Muslim people on that flight. There were Islamofascist terrorists. What possible reason could be there for including anything Islamic or anything even resembling an Islamic symbol into Flight 93 Memorial? Inclusion of Islamic symbols memorializes murderers who brought down the plane and is tantamount to spitting in the faces of victims and their families. United Airlines Flight 93 was hijacked in 2001. Let’s not allow hijacking of Flight 93 Memorial in 2008. We, as Americans, owe it to the heroes of Flight 93!

Khalim Massoud
President
Muslims Against Sharia