Update on Thai Monks Killed in Alleged Bombing – “This Was No Terrorist Attack, It Is Only a Grilling Mishap”, says Local Imam

 

Thai Monks Killed Roadside Bomb Reuters 2011
PHOTO — Reuters 2011

Here is the latest from the Heretics Crusade newswire – not to be confused with the wire you find in the undergarments of… well never mind Virginia, you don’t need to know about that yet.

Anyway, here is the latest update on this story about a truck load of Monks attacked by a roadside bomb, or at least that is what hate mongering, psychopathic, name calling judgmental sites like Jihad Watch call it. I, Guy DeWhitney, know better and, I promise to bring you the TRUTH; just as soon as CAIR decides what it is for today!

This report comes from Ahzhiz Habib, of CAIR (Community Arrogantly Inciting Revolution) Los Angeles.  According to my patron, um, friend, uh, according to my Habib, I mean Mr. Habib! Yes, according to Mister Habib he has actually spoken to the Imam of the Mosque attend by the men who are sought in connection with the alleged “bombing.” Once again we find that the Islamophobes have blown a simple, normal accident among neighbors as a “terrorist incident”!

These are the (un-named for security reasons) Imam’s own words:

“You see, our brothers came to greet the monks and have a barbecue in their honor…. I admit, in their zeal for reconciliation they forgot that the monks did not eat kabob. Nevertheless, the gesture was
sincere, if naive.

Once the brothers arrived at the roadside and began to assemble their new console barbecue from Jihad Depot they realized they had left the lamb at home. And so, they walked home to retrieve the all important, but unbeknownst to them useless, lamb.

I swear before god that all would have been well, barring a few nauseated and or offended monks, if the aforementioned sowers of discord had not chosen to attempt to cook a curry with haram ingredients on the already blessed barbecue in the absence of our blessed brothers. May I be stricken dead if I fail in my duty to Allah… as those trouble making monks did. The barbecue exploded. I saw this myself as I cooked my own kebab across the road.
Allah in His mercy slew only 2 of the dogs, I mean fellow citizens. It should be noted that the 2 soldiers were running toward the miscreants to attempt to stop the desecration but, they had paused to finish their cigarettes first and were too late to fully escape the wrath of Allah.  It is with humility that the monks should  recognise the Mercy of Allah in only killing two of their filthy number.  It was a tragedy of their own making, though there are some who are convinced it was a Zionist provocation!”

And there you have it folks, nothing to see here after all, move along!

(I am sure Robert Spencer over at Jihad Watch knows my tongue was firmly in my cheek.)

Declare Your Allegiance – Heretics Crusade Gear in Time for Christmas

Now That’s What I Call Moderate; Yeah Baby!

klaven1

Here is a great bit of political comedy; Andrew Klaven in Klaven on the Culture. This series is some really good writing and about as close to a real moderate voice as the punditosphere has to offer in this PC age.

This particular piece is a great showpiece of moderate thought… Enjoy!

Reform in the Muslim World… What Would It Look Like?

muslimahs live in silence and fear

Just daydreaming…

A Muslim boy whose parents fear his increasing radicalization and association with fundamentalist Imams is surprised when his father allows him to join an online Islamist Gaming Site called Teen Muttawa.

The boy logs on, and soon finds himself with two or three friends who show him the duties he must perform as a good Muslim, without questioning, despite his misgivings; Islam is submission, he is told, not interpretation; the Human conscience is not to be trusted in the face of the Word of Allah, as represented by the Shari’ah.

After a time he is allowed to join in a “game” that shows information about Muslims who have become apostate in the eyes of the group. The members vote after each revelation at to what the group should do, pursue, or relent, show mercy or show none, punish or kill. Random high ranking members are assigned to carry out and record the verdicts. The virtual world being embraced by Shari’a excites the boy.

After three days of almost solid “gaming” the boy finds himself viewing a girl in proper niqab walking in a part of town no girl the boy knew would go to.

He votes to pursue… recalling inunctions from his mentors that even his sister can sin and bring dishonor if she strays or is tempted from Islam.  The majority agrees.

The next shot shows the girl from a distance, obviously not escorted, in a secluded place. The boy is so offended by her behavior, he contrasts it to his sisters unfailing modesty and purity. This makes him want to punish the girl for the dishonor she is putting on HER family; who must be already shamed of her; how could such a person not show signs of their rebellion?

He votes to pursue. The majority agrees.

Now he sees the girl talking to a man labeled as haraam to her; then a shot of her embracing him, and another of the man leaving the scene. The boy recalls how his own sister had not even spoken of a boy once their father had declared against him.

The boy votes to arrest. The majority of “Muttawa” agree.

Information is brought in that the girl met her school friend whom she had fallen in love with. Her family had forbidden a marriage and he was moving to another city; she had met him to say goodbye though not even a kiss would she allow herself of him.

The boy votes to execute; the families honor is stained regardless if adultery occurred.  The majority agree.

Later that morning, as he finishes his prayers and prepares to finally sleep he gets an email with the results of the “verdict“. This is an exciting moment, when he can see the reality of his participation in the holy system of Allah’s punishment and reward for those who submit and those who pretend they may not.

He opens the email, loads the attached jpg; it is his sister… whom he realizes a moment too late is standing behind him with a baseball bat, and three similarly armed, and condemned, friends.

(optional Hitchcock style TV apologia can have parents intervening after boy is “scared straight.”)

Putting These In The Right Hands Could Save America

It should be a law that all religious leaders, political leaders, pundits and elected officials must possess and regularly view the following four films as a Leader Hubris Prevention Measure.

I Propose an immediate vote on an LHM Amendment to the  US Constitution

holygrail0_ lifeofbrian0_ blazingsaddle_LiarLiar0_

           

This Could Almost Make Me An Anti-Semite!

I am so jealous! Imagine a whole COUNTRY filled with people who belong to a culture that has cornered the market on the Comedy Writing gene!  Too funny, and the more you know of the history of the region the funnier it gets.

Thanks to Caroline Glick for this Sunday chuckle.

Here are just some of the AMERICAN Jewish comedy greats:

(Edited and abridged excerpt from Wikipedia)

  • Jason Alexander, comedian, actor, writer, and director known for playing the iconic character "George Costanza" and for directing episodes on Seinfeld
  • Marty Allen (1922–) Stand-up comedian and part of the comedy team of Allen & Rossi, also dramatic actor in TV roles
  • Woody Allen (1935–) Yiddish speaking film director, writer, actor, musician and stand-up comedian who was raised in an Orthodox Jewish family[23]
  • Morey Amsterdam (1908–1996) television actor and comedian[34]
  • Edward Asner, comedic actor
  • Dave Attell (1965–) acclaimed stand-up comedian, and host of Comedy Central’s Insomniac with Dave Attell[35]
  • Jack Benny (1894–1974) Comedian, vaudeville performer, and radio, television, film actor, who pioneered the stand-up comedy art form, and who was an influence on the situation comedy television show genre.[36]
  • Milton Berle (1908–2002) Comedian and actor, who pioneered the vaudeville and stand-up comedy art forms [37]
  • Shelley Berman (1926–) comedian, writer, teacher, and actor[38]
  • Lewis Black (1948–) stand-up comedian, author, playwright, and actor[39]
  • Elayne Boosler – (1952-) comedian
  • Victor Borge (1909–2000) humorist, and concert pianist[40]
  • Alex Borstein (1971–) actress, writer and comedian[41]
  • David Brenner (1936–) stand-up comedian, actor, author, and filmmaker
  • Fanny Brice (1891–1951) Comedian, singer
  • Albert Brooks Stand-up comedian, director, screenwriter, and actor.
  • Mel Brooks,director, writer, actor, producer, composer, lyricist, and stand-up comedian, who pioneered the comedy style and genre of mixing comedy with real historic events, in an innovative manner
  • Brother Theodore, legendary and infamous monologuist and comedian known for pioneering the rambling, stream-of-consciousness dialogue style known as "stand up tragedy."
  • Lenny Bruce (1925–1966) Stand-up comedian, writer, social critic, satirist, and free speech martyr, who drastically revolutionized the stand-up comedy art form,[42]
  • George Burns (1896–1996) actor, comedian
  • Red Buttons (1919–2006) comedian and actor[23][43]
  • Eddie Cantor (1892–1964) comedian, singer, actor, songwriter[23]
  • Sid Caesar, actor, writer
  • Andrew Dice Clay, comedian
  • Louis C.K., (real name Louis Szekely), stand-up comedian, writer, actor, producer and director, who stars in his own show Lucky Louis.
  • Myron Cohen, comedian
  • "Professor" Irwin Corey, comedian
  • David Cross, comedian, actor
  • Billy Crystal (1947–) actor, writer, producer, comedian and film director[23]
  • Rodney Dangerfield, comedian
  • Larry David, Emmy-winning writer, director, comedian, actor, producer, co-creator of Seinfeld and creator of Curb Your Enthusiasm
  • Bob Einstein, comedian, writer, Super Dave Osborne
  • Ray Ellin, comedian, talk show host, actor, producer, writer
  • Wayne Federman, comedian, actor, writer
  • Larry Fine, the Three Stooges
  • Al Franken (1951–) comedian, actor, author, screenwriter, and U.S.Senator[44]
  • Jeff Garlin, comedian, producer
  • Andrew Ginsburg (1979–) comedian, actor, and three time champion bodybuilder[45]
  • Elon Gold, comedian, actor
  • Judy Gold (1962–) stand-up comedian and actress[46]
  • Shecky Greene, comedian, actor
  • Charles Grodin, comedian, actor
  • Christopher Guest, comedian, screenwriter, composer, musician, film director, actor, and founding Spinal Tap member
  • Buddy Hackett, stand-up comedian, writer, actor, and producer, who used a lot of Jewish humor in his act, and who also served with an anti-aircraft unit during World War II, and set up the Singita Animal Sanctuary in the San Fernando Valley, California
  • Chelsea Handler (1975–) actress/comedian[47]
  • Goldie Hawn, comedic actress in films and on television Laugh-In
  • Jonah Hill, comedian, actor, writer
  • Steve Hofstetter (1979-) comedian, author, and columnist
  • Jeremy Hotz, eccentric stand-up comedian who has perfected the neurotic Jewish person schtick.
  • Kenny Hotz, writer, director, actor, comedian, producer, photographer, who is the creator/co-star of the television show Kenny vs. Spenny (along with fellow Jewish comedian Spencer Rice), and creator/co-writer of the Showcase/FX series Testees.
  • Moe, Shemp & Curly Howard, the Three Stooges
  • George Jessel, comedian
  • Al Jolson, comedian, actor, singer
  • Jonathan Katz, stand-up comedian, actor, voice-actor who is known for creating, writing, and starring in the acclaimed animated sitcom Dr. Katz, Professional Therapist
  • Mickey Katz, comedian, musician, singer-songwriter, Klezmer clarinetist, director, writer, actor
  • Andy Kaufman, groundbreaking avant-garde comedian, who was the son of two devout Jewish parents, and pioneered the concept of anti-humor.
  • Danny Kaye (1913–1987) comedian, film actor and singer [23]
  • Alan King, comedian
  • Robert Klein, comedian
  • John Lehr (1967–) actor and comedian[48]
  • Tom Lehrer, satirist, musician[49]
  • Oscar Levant, comedian
  • BJ Novak, comedian, writer and television actor on "The Office"
  • "The Reverend" Bob Levy, stand-up comedian and frequent Howard Stern guest
  • Jerry Lewis (1926–) comedian, singer, actor, film director, writer, film producer, and humanitarian, known for his slapstick humor and his charity fund-raising telethons, who wrote, directed, produced, and starred in his own classic films such as The Ladies Man (1961), The Errand Boy (1961), The Patsy (1964) and The Nutty Professor (1963), among many others [23]
  • Richard Lewis, comedian
  • Bill Maher, stand-up comedian of political humor, among other styles.
  • Marc Maron, comedian, radio host
  • The Marx Brothers, (Chico, Harpo, Groucho, Zeppo, Gummo), legendary Jewish American comedy team
  • Jackie Mason (1931–) stand-up comedian[50]
  • Anne Meara (1929–) [ Converted to Judaism ] Comedienne and actress, partner and wife of Jerry Stiller[51]
  • Lorne Michaels (real name Lorne David Lipowitz), comedian, writer, director, producer, who is the sole creator, writer, director and producer of Saturday Night Live and who also produced the various film and TV projects that spun off from it, among other things
  • Bette Midler (1945–) singer, actress, and comedian, also known as The Divine Miss M[52]
  • Larry Miller (1953–) stand-up comedian, actor[53]
  • Dan Mintz, acclaimed idiosyncratic stand-up comedian known for his extremely deadpan delivery, keeping his eyes fixed straight ahead and never looking toward the camera or audience, who is one of a few stand-up comedians to use non sequitur oneliners in his act.
  • Jan Murray (1916–2006) stand-up comedian, actor[43]
  • Gilda Radner, (1946–1989) comedic actress
  • Harold Ramis (1944-) comedic actor, director, writer, producer
  • Carl Reiner, comedian, actor
  • Paul Reiser, comedian, actor
  • Paul Reubens, comedian, actor aka Peewee Herman
  • Spencer Rice (aka Spenny), writer, director, producer, and comedian, who is the co-star of Kenny vs. Spenny along with fellow Jewish comedian Kenny Hotz.
  • Don Rickles, stand-up comedian, actor; pioneer of insult comedy
  • Ritz Brothers (Al Ritz, Jimmy Ritz, Harry Ritz), legendary Jewish American comedy team[23]
  • Joan Rivers (1933–) comedian, actress, talk show host[54]
  • Seth Rogen, comedian, actor, writer
  • Jeffrey Ross, stand-up comedian, known as "The Roastmaster General".
  • Rita Rudner, legendary and influential female Jewish stand-up comedian who uses Jewish humor in her act.
  • Paul Rudd, actor, and screenwriter, who is the son of two devout Jewish immigrants from England
  • Mort Sahl, stand-up comedian and actor, who is credited with pioneering a style of stand-up comedy that paved the way for Lenny Bruce, Nichols and May, and Dick Gregory, and who also wrote jokes for speeches delivered by President John F. Kennedy.
  • Adam Sandler (1966–) actor, stand-up comedian, screenwriter, producer, and musician[43]
  • Andy Samberg (1978-) actor, comedian
  • Robert Schimmel (1950–) stand-up comedian whose material is often X-rated and controversial[55]
  • Sam Seder (1966–) actor, comedian, writer, producer, director[56]
  • Jerry Seinfeld, comedian, actor
  • Gary Shandling, comedian, actor
  • Al Shean, comedian, actor
  • Allan Sherman, satirist, musician
  • Sarah Silverman, stand-up comedian, actress, and writer
  • Phil Silvers, comedic actor
  • Bobby Slayton, comedian, The Pit Bull of Comedy
  • Robert Smigel, humorist, comedian and writer known for being the puppeteer behind Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog and his Saturday Night Live "TV Funhouse" cartoon shorts, who also contributed to the Jewish album The Jewish Songbook: The Heart and Humor of a People. He is the son of two devout Jewish parents, and was raised with a strong Jewish identity, which included Jewish day school, travels to Israel, and Jewish summer camps.
  • Kira Soltanovich, comedian, actress, writer, star of "Girls Behaving Badly" recurring on "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno"
  • David Steinberg (1942–) comedian, actor, author, writer and director.
  • Stella, acclaimed Jewish American comedy team consisting of Michael Showalter, Michael Ian Black, and David Wain.
  • Jon Stewart, stand-up comedian, actor, author, who is the host, head writer, and producer of The Daily Show[20]
  • Ben Stiller (1965–) comedian, actor, and film director[43]
  • Jerry Stiller (1927–) comedian and actor[51]
  • Rich Vos, comedic actor
  • Gene Wilder, comedic actor
  • Steven Wright, comedian, actor and writer, known for his lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, witty, philosophical and sometimes deeply confusing or nonsensical jokes and one-liners with intentionally contrived situations
  • Ed Wynn (1886–1966) comedian and actor[23]
  • Henny Youngman, comedian and violinist who used oneliner comedy style
  • Comedy is not like running a bakery, if it isn’t in you, you cannot fake it.  Talent tells and for comedy  there is no denying the Jewish talent.